The Pursuit of Contentment

 I am reading "The hacking of the American Mind" by Robert H. Lustig, and I have to say, it's a real eye-opener, and is sure to be an important step in my ongoing effort to understand my brain and my emotions, and how better to manage them.

He speaks frequently about the difference between "reward" and "contentment"; the first representing pleasure, the spark, the flame, the instant gratification, and the second: the less acute, but ultimately more rewarding slow embers of happiness that we all need. Flames are beautiful and fascinating, but destructive if you don't watch out; embers keep you warm, last longer, and have their own beauty as well.

In this pandemic year, (and even before), I have started to notice things that bring contentment: Cooking has been one of those; washing dishes, another. I have been noticing (and forgive me if I have gone on about this before) the pleasures, the comforts, and joys of domesticity. Other things, like spending time helping a friend move, give me satisfaction that I never could have imagined. These things are no longer a duty; they are a pleasure. Not the pleasure of nachos, ice cream, or a dry Martini, but pleasures more enduring and far less destructive. (In fact, they have only the side effect of bringing satisfaction to yourself and to your friends and relations).

I think in my last post, I mentioned that I have also given up Twitter and Facebook (OK, I do go back and stalk FB for minutes at a time once in a while, but I am off the ride). I am no longer bound up in that cycle of reward: those constant dopamine hits that one gets with a "like" or a "heart".

One clue to this elusive happiness (now that I am retired) can be found in what I used to do on a vacation in the country: I would read all day long, with three naps a day interspersed, unless I was cooking dinner and making cocktails. The reading/napping/cooking routine, especially the first two, were what gave me the most joy in those days out of town. The cocktails I have cut way back on, (on my Doctor's advice), but I am reading more and more daily. New recipes are being added to the repertoire, and I am napping like a fiend. So, basically I am trying to get back to living a little like I did on vacation, which is a pretty happy place to be.

I was rhapsodising to two of my friends about another of my pleasures, which is food shopping. They really dislike it, and do it only because it MUST be done. I love having a shopping cart, and a credit card, and a lot of time; nothing could be better! I have since volunteered to do the shopping for one of my friends; I wonder if she'll take me up on it?

Spending time with others is a key to happiness for humans, and there is more and more of it these days. No hugging yet, but the time to listen to the stories of the lives of others and to connect is a terrific way to make yourself, and your buddies feel better. I remember a long trip with my friend Andrew Clayden, where the radio on my truck was broken, so all we had was each other for entertainment. We decided that every story had to be told in the "long version", and I can't remember a more pleasant trip. 

Recently, at a little soirée, the majority of our guests had left, and our two neighbours remained, long into the night (well, maybe 11 o'clock, but it was still against the curfew). Just chilling with each other, nursing our drinks and sharing stories, stirring a long-lost, lovely feeling of calm contentment.

I hope you are all getting together with your friends and cooking for them, or they for you, and telling each other long stories, and enjoying their company.